a slow thank you
She who reconciles the ill-matched threads
of her life, and weaves them gratefully
into a single life –
it’s she who drives the loudmouths from the hall
and clears it for a different celebration…
Rainer Maria Rilke
While I’m quite certain that Mr. Rilke and I part ways theologically, his words resonate something within me. I have collected a few ill-matched threads in three short decades –
Threads, that at times, have twisted themselves into a tangled web of doubt and distrust.
Threads that, in my finite understanding of things, clash terribly with the fairytale version of the story I would have chosen.
Threads frayed from constant, worrisome, shifting and stretching.
Threads faded from long soaks in warm salty tears.
Threads I prefer to keep hidden underneath.
But as I grow older, the looks back become more frequent…less frightening. And I’m seeing the lay of the land in a different light. The fiercely beautiful moments of this life I’ve lived woven in and out between the unsightly fibers makes for a sturdier tapestry than the one I would have spun entirely on my own. And somewhere past the confusion and the questions, I’m slowly learning to say thank you.
And I will restore or replace for you the years that the locust has eaten…
†Rainer Maria Rilke, quoted in The Attentive Life, Leighton Ford (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2008), 167.